Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
