Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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