Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
