i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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