I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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