I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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