I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
