Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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