If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
