This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My ass is underappreciated
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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