And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
