i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
