WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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