He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
