I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
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I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
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Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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