I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
my liver is dry heaving
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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