I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
