her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
