I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
