shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
