I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
