Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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