Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
