I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
