Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
