It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
