Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
