i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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