To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
