I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
