I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it's like iHOP with fire
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
