I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
