remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
