I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
