Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
