Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you never un-have a 4some
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