We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
