I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
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she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
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yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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