So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
