I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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