marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't deserve a penis
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
