new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
