she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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