I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
