I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
