i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
