spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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