the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
