Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
