the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I want a musical about memes.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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