yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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