Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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