Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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