You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
