just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
this is an emotional support booty call
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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