You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
