And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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